Gingerbread Houses: The Opposite of Fun
I retreated back to suburban New Jersey for the holidays, spending some quality time with my family, friends, and little nephew. While the time with my friends was spent under a haze of alcohol and cigarette smoke, my time with my nephew was spent in agonizing torture, in our attempt to build a gingerbread house together.
How many 25 year old college graduates does it take to build a gingerbread house? Well, possibly several, because I sure as hell couldn’t do it. Curse you, Brothers Grimm!
When purchasing a gingerbread house, do not be fooled by the unassuming, seemingly cute box, that promises a merry little home of candy and cookie. It is a box of lies.
Those tasty looking jellybeans on the rooftop? They aren’t jellybeans. They are jawbreakers. I learned this after chomping down on one, nearly chipping a tooth, to which my nephew replied, “that’s what you get for stealing the candy.”
This is the look he gave me while saying that, complete with his hands on his hips. Three year olds these days can be quite cheeky.
Perhaps the worst part about the gingerbread house kit, were the instructions included. Completely misleading and totally off, the directions were positively useless, especially when it came to mixing the icing. Please note the look of utter confusion on both our faces.
See, mixing the icing was very much like mixing cement, and hardened just as fast. The directions called for four tablespoons of water to mix inside this giant bag of powdered sugar, and we ended up dumping at least eight in there. While the icing oozed out of the plastic bag onto the gingerbread cookie walls, it turned to solid rock the minute it hit the air. The icing bag itself was made of incredibly thin plastic, which continued to break and burst, sending globs of gooey white icing all over everything.
My nephew and I both grew progressively angrier, and opted to go play with some toy trains instead.
Behold, the finished product.
… hope everyone had a good holiday!
LOL…yes, gingerbread houses can be quite tricky, which is why they are meant to be eaten immediately upon viewing!
Comment by Melonie — December 26, 2007 @ 6:52 pm
My nephew attempted one as well. His got only a little farther along than yours, and his mom is a craft goddess. Just scrap the directions and eat the gingerbread and candy - it’s not worth the humiliation and loss of self confidence.
Hope the kitty, bunnies and chin had fun over the holidays as well! (Maybe they got some gingerbread with icing?)
Comment by Ginger — December 26, 2007 @ 6:56 pm
Yes, I tried one of those kits with my granddaughters too. 2 years ago I made one myself and it really came out better. The frosting in the one I bought at Costco was REALLY hard to use - Grandma had to do all the frosting part. The candies were really yucky (probably a good thing - nobody ate more than one or two!) but the end product was pretty good for a 4 and a 2 year old with their Grandma. Next time I’ll make one from scratch again and make Royal Frosting. The stuff in the kit was made with some kind of shortening and it was so hard to get the thing to stick together long enough to stay put! Royal icing turns to ROCK! It was fun anyway and that was the real point of the whole thing!
Comment by Penny Raynor — December 26, 2007 @ 11:09 pm
i feel like this is one project where my architecture degree + my expertise in the field of cute might have been equally useful. you should just call me when attempting a project like this!
Comment by sara girlscantell — December 27, 2007 @ 12:04 am
My daughter (9 years old) and I put together a rather charming gingerbread house using this kit. It was a bit of a challenge, but we found the directions quite helpful and the icing certainly helped to hold everything together - I think the finished product is likely able to withstand hurricane strength winds. Of course we went into the project with the philosophy that “nothing is easy.”
Comment by Steve — December 27, 2007 @ 4:16 pm
Those gingerbread house kits are the universe’s way of saying you should have another beer. They are just evil!
Comment by Nicole — December 27, 2007 @ 8:10 pm
I applaud you guys just for getting that far.
Comment by Aaron — December 27, 2007 @ 8:35 pm
I shall teach you the ways of royal icing
Comment by Tuesday — December 28, 2007 @ 4:18 am
[...] some cooking and generally vegging out. It seems that my friend Eric spent the day with his family, stymied by a Wilton Pre-Baked Gingerbread House Kit. He and his three year old nephew started the kit as a way to do something fun together and by the [...]
Pingback by Sourfizz ยป A frustrating gingerbread house experience — December 28, 2007 @ 8:25 pm
This is what our gingerbread house (I don’t remember the brand, but it was comparable to Wilton’s, I’m sure) looked like last year:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kirinqueen/307298857/in/set-72157594393710596/
Comment by Erin — December 29, 2007 @ 4:54 am
Next year make your own kit. Try finding a local bakery that will sell you the royal icing that they use on cakes. It works GREAT!!! Then you can put on your own kinds of candies instead of chipping your tooth on the “jellybeans” in the Wilton’s box.
Comment by Mel — December 30, 2007 @ 3:17 pm
Wow guys, I am a 51 yr old mom who had all 4 of my daughters since I was 40. My first ginbgerbread house was a homeschool coop field trip experience with about 12 other families when my twins were 4ys old and the baby was 2. We rented a large room in the community rec center and one lady pre-maid all the gingerbread pieces and made the icing. Until I read this site, I never knew it was supposed to be hard. We just all rolled up our sleeves and I guess it helped that half the teen agers in the group were experienced hands. We had a blast, made a mess and took pictures while the “experienced teens” floated from table to table giving advice about keeping the icing covered and suggesting Wrigleys fruit stripped gum for an uptown look on the doors, marshmellow snowmen and white chocolate pretzle twists lined up as a fence in the snow. I think the trick to good parenting and gingerbread adventures is not to take yourself too seriously and remember that what ever you do is good enough if you find the “element of fun in every job that is done”.
Comment by karen dunning — January 1, 2008 @ 2:34 am
This is FUNNY as hell!! I feel your pain which is why my gingerbread house kits are already assembled, the frosting is already made, and the jaw breakers are individually wrapped and clearly labeled! email me and I’ll send you one…beer not included!!
Comment by egayle — February 6, 2008 @ 4:44 pm