What happens when you’re in a community that is used to being rejected due to not adhering to neuronormal standards, and place them in a position where they have to adhere to strict pitching rules, in a landscape where the gatekeepers so often make jokes on social media about those rules being broken?
Honestly, it sounds like such a horrifying nightmare, and from the responses I got, it certainly seems to be just that. Who wants to pitch someone, when it means you might end up getting made fun of in front of tens of thousands of followers?
This particular response in an email from accessibility advocate Mandy Montano really struck me:
Rejection—It is just different. Most ND face living in a world where we are forced to conform to the neuronormal and experience a different level of failure, it can be exhausting. We are a community dependent on learning and adjusting to neuronormal expectations and needs; it is hard to not know what was wrong, without a response, we are left guessing. No response makes you think the worst and there is no way to learn from it. It is also deeper, most of us spend our days hiding behind a curtain, faking it. Writing is showing behind the curtain and it hurts to be rejected at the core, it is like every part of you being rejected. For dyslexics, sharing writing is like showing someone your wound, and rejection is like someone gasping and turning away at the horror.
Several writers chimed in about this on Twitter, addressing how rejection sensitivity dysphoria and ADHD often go hand-in-hand including one of my own clients, K. Ancrum:
… a thousand years ago back when I was querying the first time round, an agent had a form submission that had everything broken down into categories with drop downs and separate upload places for query letter and pages. It felt revolutionary.
Then when you pressed submit it gave a response like “if you don’t hear back within 2 months of submission, it has been rejected. Then the form rejection, when it came, had a line about most authors spending 2 years querying & was actually a sweet encouragement letter.
This was back in 2012 so i don’t remember who it was who did this. But I do remember thinking very firmly “this very organized. This is how they all should be.” And my ADHD brain was buzzing with satisfaction.
A number of solutions were offered up here to combat this:
Adjusting the No Response Query: A number of ND writers on Twitter expressed that the “no response means a pass” isn’t helpful in dealing with rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
Firm Timelines: Better timelines regarding responses can help here. Agencies often have “responses in six to eight weeks” and then don’t get back nearly that fast. While yes, life happens and sometimes folks fall behind on queries and manuscripts (I’m very guilty of this), I wonder what we can do to make this better.
Be Understanding: I think this is going to be an ongoing theme in this post, but being understanding of mistakes in query letters is a big one. A bundle of writers on Twitter commented on agents and editors subtweeting about mistakes in queries, and maybe not taking into consideration that person might be ND.