Perfect Pitch: Jill Baguchinsky's Query for Mammoth

When Jill Baguchinsky's query hit my inbox, I knew I had to read this book. It was a drop-everything-and-read-it-in-a-day sort of description, and that was exactly what I did. I offered to represent her the very next day.

And with her book almost here, publishing with Turner next week, I wanted to share the query letter that hooked me so quickly.

The hook part here is important, because that's what got me. We'll dig into that in a minute.

I've done this before with the query letters for Samira Ahmed, Anna Hecker, Kati Gardner, and more, which you can read collected here on my Perfect Pitch page.

And if you find this helpful, do consider pre-ordering her novel from your book retailer of choice.

Let's see that query!

-#-

Dear Eric Smith:

The summer before her junior year, paleontology geek Natalie Page lands a coveted internship at an Ice Age dig site near Austin. Natalie, who's also a plus-size fashion blogger, depends on the retro style and persona she developed to shield herself from her former bullies, but vintage dresses and perfect lipstick aren't compatible with prospecting for fossils in the Texas heat.

When Natalie's paleontologist hero steals the credit for one of her accomplishments, Nat has to unearth the confidence she needs to stand out in a field dominated by dudes. To do this, she'll have to let her true self shine, even if that means defying the rules and risking her life for the sake of a major discovery.

Then there's Chase the intern, who's seriously cute, and Cody, a local boy who'd be even cuter if he were less of a grouch -- Natalie's got more than just mammoths on her mind this summer.

MAMMOTH puts a paleo spin on a DUMPLIN'-style young adult contemporary narrative -- it's ELEANOR AND PARK meets JURASSIC PARK, just without the gene splicing and marauding velociraptors. Natalie's battle to reclaim her self-image will appeal to plus-size teens and any readers who struggle with being themselves, and the dig-site setting will engage anyone who geeks out about science. MAMMOTH is complete at 68,000 words.

MAMMOTH is a story about discovering and appreciating your strengths at any size. It's a great fit for the body positivity movement that's going strong on social media -- there's a YA readership out there that's eager for greater diversity in terms of body type. Also, young readers need to see more female characters excelling in scientific fields -- stories like HIDDEN FIGURES inspire girls to consider science-based careers, and the paleontology content in MAMMOTH plays into that. While drafting MAMMOTH, I worked with with several paleontologists and trained in fossil excavation and prospecting at the Waco Mammoth National Monument. My contacts at the Waco site are excited to help promote MAMMOTH as soon as it finds a publisher.

Thanks for your time.

Sincerely, Jill Baguchinsky

-#-

Okay, so let's talk about this. Namely, the hook.

"MAMMOTH puts a paleo spin on a DUMPLIN'-style young adult contemporary narrative -- it's ELEANOR AND PARK meets JURASSIC PARK, just without the gene splicing and marauding velociraptors."

What! That is what got me. I also ended up using this hook when pitching editors down the line. A good hook can do just that. Hook someone in. And Jill did a spectacular job of that in this pitch.

She also does a fantastic job summing up the story and introducing the themes she's exploring when describing the book, and then she goes the extra mile by talking about her research.

The details she added in about visiting dig sites and really getting to know her subject definitely grabbed me. That's something a publisher doesn't have in a database. It brings a lot of value to the table, and we discussed these dig site ties in the proposal for the book.

So, if there is some kind of tie there with your work, I think it's a good idea to bring it up.

Hope you found this helpful, and consider pre-ordering Mammoth from your book retailer of choice.

Perfect Pitch: Alex Ruben's 8-Bit Apocalypse (A Non-Fiction Query!)

With Alex Ruben's first book, 8-BIT APOCALYPSE, due out later this month from Overlook Press, I wanted to share his original query letter for the book.

I've shared quite a few of these for other clients' books as their pub dates got closer, including queries by Sangu Mandanna, Samira Ahmed, Kati Gardner, and Anna Hecker, but this is the first time I've got a non-fiction query to share, which are a little different than pitches for novels.

Let's have a look, and see what you can learn. And if this was helpful, please pre-order Alex's book as a thank you!

-#-

Hi Eric,

I am currently seeking representation for my book Armageddon: The Haunting True Story Behind an American Video Game Classic, a gripping, non-fiction account of the creation, cultural impact, and nightmarish repercussions of Missile Command, one of the biggest and most celebrated video games of all time.

A bit about the book: In the height of the Cold War, Missile Command was unleashed on American arcades. Featuring flashy graphics and inventive gameplay, it was an immediate hit captivating the attention of gamers everywhere and cementing itself as a pop culture icon for decades to come. Haunted by vivid nightmares of nuclear holocaust brought on by his obsessive work on the game, Dave Theurer’s message of the futility of nuclear war had been made clear — but at what cost to its creator? Exploring the inner-workings of Atari and its wild team of programmers, Armageddon explores the importance and critical cost of Missile Command… told by the people who were there.

This might sound familiar to you as it stemmed from an initial story I wrote on Polygon more than two years ago. Upon pulling praise for that article, I stumbled upon your tweet and subsequently saw that you were looking for pop culture books! I’m a leading video game journalist, having written for more than 30 different outlets across web, print, and television, who specializes in capturing the human element of games. Having seen your enthusiasm about the portion of the story I published on Polygon, I could think of no one better to represent my debut book and help me share this with the world. It’s been my passion to turn this story from one that video game fans will enjoy into something that anyone with an appreciation for pop culture will want to pick up — and I hope you find it to be right down your alley.

If you’re interested in reviewing my proposal, I would be happy to send it over ASAP. I am currently querying several agents. I’m open to answering any questions and would love the opportunity to explore any potential ways we could work together to find an appropriate publisher.

Thank you,

Alex Rubens

-#-

Alex does so many things right in here, some of which are specific to querying a non-fiction book, so let's talk about them.

The Hook: He sums up the hook behind the book really quickly in that first sentence. It's a book about Missile Command, the impact it had, and the nightmare it unleashed on the creator. Boom. He's got me.

The Book: He spends two paragraph dishing the premise of the book, which is a story that's fairly unknown. So it's good that he digs into it. While Missile Command is somewhat of a household name, the creator's name isn't.

The Cook: And last, he gives plenty of details about himself that are SO KEY in non-fiction.

When it comes to a non-fiction book pitch, it's so important to highlight who you are, and why you are the right person to write this book. What's your platform like? How are YOU the expert?

Alex is clearly the expert, as he's written a giant expose on the subject for one of the leading video game publications out there, and as a gaming journalist, has written for 30+ outlets. The original query linked to his portfolio and the piece that inspired the book, so it was easy to see just how accomplished he was. And is!

And there you have it, a perfect non-fiction pitch.

Perfect Pitch: Sangu Mandanna's A Spark of White Fire

Oh, hi there writers!

One question I get asked all the time, is how to craft a good query letter. At conferences. On Twitter. From random acquaintances on Facebook. So, what better way to help querying writers... than to start sharing a couple outstanding examples?

Welcome to my little "Perfect Pitch" series here on the ol' blog, where I'll post query letters from my clients. The queries that hooked me, and the books that sold afterwards.

Sangu Mandanna's A SPARK OF WHITE FIRE is a stunning multicultural YA space opera that draws from the Mahabharata. With the first book in the series coming out in the next few weeks (and the second and third coming out in 2019 and 2020), I wanted to share Sangu's original query letter, in hopes it'll help YOU with your pitching.

I was so excited when this landed in my inbox, that I fired off a bunch of emails to friends utterly flipping out. I read the book in three days, and offered to represent it four days before Christmas.

And if you find this helpful, PLEASE pre-order it on Amazon, B&N, or IndieBound, as a way of saying thank you to Sangu.

So! This is the query that got me:

-#-

Dear Eric,

My novel, A SPARK OF WHITE FIRE, is a YA space fantasy and a retelling of Indian mythology. The manuscript is complete at 85,000 words and is the first book of a trilogy.

Seventeen years ago, in a world of gods and stars and cities built on spaceships, the Queen of Avalon cast her infant daughter out into deep space. The baby survived by a goddess’s grace and floated through half a galaxy to the kingdom of Wychstar. There, she grew up in the dark while her twin brother Alexi grew up in golden light.

The baby is now Esme, clever, passionate and terribly lonely, and she has longed to return to her family all her life. Avalon is no longer theirs, not now that her father is dead, her treacherous uncle and cousin have seized the crown, and her mother and brothers have been banished. Esme wants nothing more than to help Alexi take back his crown and their home. When the King of Wychstar offers to gift the unbeatable warship Titania to the winner of a competition, the way home seems clear: Alexi is the favourite to win, their usurping cousin Max is likely to lose, and the competition seems the ideal place for Esme to reveal her identity and reunite with her family.

It all goes wrong, of course. Alexi rejects her. Angry and heartbroken, she enters the competition as Max’s champion. And wins. Titania is given to the usurpers and Esme’s choice puts her on the wrong side of an inevitable war.

You've mentioned you're interested in diverse submissions in YA sci fi and fantasy, so I thought you might be a good fit for this. This is my second novel. My first, THE LOST GIRL, was published in North America by HarperCollins in 2012 and by Random House in the UK and Commonwealth in 2013. I'm 27, live in the UK with my husband and two sons, and have a pretty alarming Netflix addiction.

Thanks very much for your time.

All best, Sangu

-#-

So let's talk about this query and why it's so great, using my favorite "the hook, the book, the cook" query construction:

The Hook: Right away, Sangu hits with the hook in her pitch. "... a YA space fantasy and a retelling of Indian mythology." I'm done. You've got me. Let's keep reading.

The Book: Sangu sums up her stunning novel in THREE PARAGRAPHS. Now, this is a genre blend of a book with scores of characters, tons of political intrigue, Gods and Goddesses, epic space battles... there's a lot in here. Yet, she dishes about it in just three paragraphs. Remember, even if there's a ton happening in your book, try to keep it at least semi-vague. Don't lay it all out there. You want your book section reading like jacket copy.

The Cook: Sangu's bio is great. She talks about her previous book (which she KNEW I was a huge fan of, even though she doesn't mention that in the query), and talks a bit about her life. She also mentions why she thought I would be a good fit for this project.

This, my friends, is perfect pitch.

A Spark of White Fire hits bookstores everywhere on September 11th with Sky Pony Press.

Perfect Pitch: Kati Gardner's Query for BRAVE ENOUGH

With Kati Gardner's debut novel, BRAVE ENOUGH, due out on August 21st, I wanted to share her fantastic query letter.

I've done this before with the query letters for Samira Ahmed's Love Hate & Other Filters and Anna Hecker's When the Beat Drops, so let's keep this tradition going, and see what you can learn from authors who have been through this process and come out with an agent (me!) and book deals!

Kati's debut has garnered some serious praise, including two starred reviews from Kirkus and Foreward. If you find this helpful (I hope you will!) do consider pre-ordering her heartbreaking contemporary read.

Let's see that query!

-#-

Dear Mr. Smith,

My name is Kati Gardner and I am submitting Brave Enough, a contemporary Young Adult novel.  Brave Enough is 74,000 words and centers around two teenagers who are facing life with the added complications of cancer.  This book would appeal to fans of The Fault In Our Stars and the feature film Center Stage.

One dance audition changed Cason Martin’s life.

Cason is a ballerina.  She is driven, but can never meet the expectations of her Artistic Director/Mother. When it is discovered that the strange pain Cason has continued to dance through is a rapidly growing tumor, her whole life is stopped.

Davis Channing is a drug addict, but he’s been in recovery for seven months.  After being arrested for possession of a Oxycodone and sentenced to community service, Davis finds himself working with the doctors and nurses on the pediatric Oncology unit.  The same people that helped save him from his own cancer only three years before.  Can they help save him again, this time from himself?

No one would ever say that these two had anything in common.

And if you had have asked Cason or Davis they would have said the same thing.  But, during the most important audition of Cason’s life that would all change.

This novel is personal for me as a writer, actor (BA in Theater Arts), and childhood cancer survivor (25 years).  I wanted to convey the truth of what being a cancer survivor is like for the many young adults who face cancer everyday.  I wanted to tell our stories.

Please feel free to contact me with any further questions you might have. Thank you for your time and consideration.

-#-

So Kati does a lot of things so so right in this query letter. Let's break it down.

Open with a Hook: This is my favorite way to see queries open up. With a hook, or with some kind of personal approach (ie: "I saw you work with X author"). Her hook dishes the title, category, genre, story, word count, AND comp titles. It's perfect. "...Brave Enough, a contemporary Young Adult novel.  Brave Enough is 74,000 words and centers around two teenagers who are facing life with the added complications of cancer.  This book would appeal to fans of The Fault In Our Stars and the feature film Center Stage."

The Book Description: She digs into that jacket-copy-esque description right away, and breaks it up with a bit of drama. Shows the stakes and the tension on separate lines, in a way you'd totally see on the back of your favorite YA novel.

Her Bio: Note the personal connection to the work that Kati mentions here. I liked the premise right away, but the fact that it came from this genuine place made me absolutely NEED to have it.

Now, nothing says you have to disclose anything personal about yourself when querying your book. I can't stress that enough. But sharing that personal tie was a real attention grabbing aspect of this query. I really want to work on books that come from real places, and Kati's story certainly does.

And that's that!

If you found Kati's query helpful, consider picking up her debut!

Perfect Pitch: Anna Hecker's Query for When the Beat Drops

With Anna Hecker's WHEN THE BEAT DROPS just two weeks away (omg!), I wanted to share her fantastic query letter, for those of you who are out there pitching.

I did this with Samira Ahmed's query, and a lot of you seemed to like it! So, let's do it again!

If you find Anna's query helpful, feel free to pre-order (or order, if you're reading this sometimes in the future) her book! It's available wherever books are sold, and of course, on:

• Amazon

• Barnes & Noble

• IndieBound

Anna's query came to me where most projects do... in the query box! And on my birthday (best present ever). Those of you who think it's impossible to catch an agent's eye the old school way, you're wrong. Cold pitching works!

Let's dig into this, and talk about why it's such a great query letter.

-#-

-#-

Dear Eric,

Since you seem to have a special place in your heart for the intersection of heart-pounding music and YA lit, I thought you might be interested in WHEN THE BEAT DROPS, a coming-of-age story set in the Electronic Dance Music scene.

In When the Beat Drops, introverted jazz nerd Mira wants nothing more than to ace her audition to the prestigious Fulton Jazz Conservatory. She plans to spend her summer practicing trumpet and composition, but her popular older sister drags her into a different world: one of underground warehouse parties and packed music festivals, endless beats and outsized personalities. Mira falls in love with the music (and with Derek, a gorgeous 21-year-old promoter with an interest in her burgeoning DJ skills), but her sister’s more into taking molly and partying all night.

With her conservatory audition looming and her DJ career blowing up, Mira needs to choose between the dream she’s always wanted and the one that could make her a star…and find a way to slow her sister’s roll before it’s too late.

This 75,000-word YA contemporary is Pitch Perfect meets This Song Will Save Your Life, set against the gritty, glittery and wildly popular backdrop of EDM.

I’m looking for a partner who can help me grow my career with original works in both YA and up-market women’s fiction. You’ve mentioned that you love contemporary that can make you cry, and I’d like to think that this could eke out a few tears (and maybe a little laughter, too).

I’m thrilled about what the future might hold!

Regards,

Anna

-#-

Okay! So, why does this work?

In that very first paragraph, she specifically digs into my particular interests. I do love music-filled YA reads, and can be frequently seen tweeting about my favorites. So, right away, she dishes why I might be interested, and shows that she's done her agent research.

She sums up the story SO nicely, in just two quick paragraphs, and then follows up with an EXCELLENT hook.

"This 75,000-word YA contemporary is Pitch Perfect meets This Song Will Save Your Life, set against the gritty, glittery and wildly popular backdrop of EDM." - So here, we've got the word count, the category, and the genre, as well as some PERFECT comparative titles. Great example of a solid hook there.

And again, she wraps it up with a bit about why this book might be perfect for me. There was a bio section here, but I snipped it, due to some discussion about her ghostwriting work.

Note, you should TOTALLY mention that sort of stuff. It shows an agent that you've got those writing chops! But, I'm not going to publish that part of Anna's letter here, for very obvious reasons. Sorry!

So, let's break it down.

• The Hook: Has a great one.

• The Book: Sums up the entire novel in two paragraphs.

• The Cook: Redacted for the blog, but detailed her writing experience.

There you have it. Perfect pitch!

Perfect Pitch: Samira Ahmed's Love Hate & Other Filters

Oh, hi there writers!

One question I get asked all the time, is how to craft a good query letter. At conferences. On Twitter. From random acquaintances on Facebook. So, what better way to help querying writers... than to start sharing a couple outstanding examples?

Welcome to my little "Perfect Pitch" series here on the ol' blog, where I'll post query letters from my clients. The queries that hooked me, and the books that sold afterwards.

Samira Ahmed's LOVE HATE & OTHER FILTERS hits bookstores everywhere on January 16th with Soho Teen and January 18th with Hot Key Books in the U.K. She's gearing up for her book launch and her book tour.

And fun fact, all this started with a tweet. And a different title.

Let's check out that query, as well as that tweet. And if you find all this helpful, please pre-order Samira's debut on Amazon, B&N, and IndieBound, and add it on Goodreads. Signed copies with limited edition art are available from Anderson's too.

-#-

First, that tweet!

I love Twitter contests. I spent a lot of time scouring through Beth Phelan's #DVPit and Brenda Drake's #PitMad. And it's hard, trying to master just how to sum up your entire novel in 140 characters (though Twitter does have more now).

Here's the tweet that caught me immediately.

"She wants to make films & kiss boys--her Muslim parents forbid both. Will a terrorist & Islamophobia shatter her dreams? #pitmatch #YA #CON"

Somehow, in that tiny tweet, Samira was able to convey not just the internal stakes for the main character, but the external ones. The emotional turmoil and the very real danger on the outside. We get important character pieces. We know there's romance, we know the character's background, we know her family struggles. In. One. Sentence.

Masterful.

When you're playing along in those kind of pitch contests, try to pack as much as you can in. In that quick blip. You can do it.

Now, the query letter. Because when you do these Twitter contests, you still have to send a traditional query letter. So it's still important to get that query right, because you could still lose the agent's interest with one that's written poorly.

-#-

Dear Mr. Smith,

Thank you for liking our #PitMatch connection! I'm excited to share my query for SWIMMING LESSONS along with the first 50 pages of the manuscript that you will find attached as a Word docx.

Seventeen-year old American-born Maya Aziz lives between worlds. Between the proper world her parents expect for their good Indian Muslim daughter and the one she envisions for herself. Between her small Midwestern town and her dream of going to film school in New York. Between the mundane reality of her every day and her imagination where she gets advice from Ilsa Lund and Holly Golightly. Between her conflicted longing for the Homecoming King and the Suitable Boy.

With the help and humor of her two best friends, Maya navigates a senior year that’s enlivened by teen angst, romance, a bit of magical realism, and swimming lessons at a secret pond—but a suicide bomber disrupts it all.

Told via brief inter-chapters, the aftermath of this act of domestic terrorism has repercussions in Maya's small town, changing her life forever. This intercalary story builds to the bombing and delves into its genesis and aftermath in ways both intimate and profound.

SWIMMING LESSONS, complete at 80,000 words, was one of three finalists for the 2015 Sheehan YA Book Prize. It is a contemporary young adult story, with a whiff of The Love That Split the World meets Quantico, set in a space where cultures collide, where the definitions of self and other are blurred, and where last names can be a threat.

I was born in Bombay, India, and currently live in Chicago. I have also lived in Vermont, New York City, and Kauai, where I spent a year with my husband and two young children searching for the perfect mango. I received my BA and MAT from the University of Chicago and taught high school English for seven years. My creative non-fiction has appeared in Jaggery Lit and Entropy.

Currently, the full manuscript is under consideration by three other agents. I will let you know immediately of any change in status. Thank you for your time and interest.

Best,

Samira Ahmed

-#-

So let's talk about this query and why it's so great, using my favorite "the hook, the book, the cook" query construction:

The Hook: Samira already got me with the hook in the Twitter pitch event, so she didn't need to open with one. However, you'll see her dive into that format later on, when she talks about how long the book is. She shares really unique comp titles, and delivers a kick ass marketing line with "set in a space where cultures collide, where the definitions of self and other are blurred, and where last names can be a threat." I ended up using that while querying the book to editors!

The Book: She sums up the entire novel in three paragraphs, the last of which dishes some interesting notes on the format of the narrative, something that totally sold me the second I started reading the book.

The Cook: And the bio is perfect. Not only does she talk a bit about herself, she digs into her writing. Where her non-fiction has been, the awards this manuscript was nominated for. She's even open with the fact that other agents are reading it.

This, my friends, is perfect pitch.

And again, if you find all this helpful, please pre-order Samira's debut on Amazon, B&N, and IndieBound, and add it on Goodreads. Signed copies with limited edition art are available from Anderson's too.